My family and friends know—nobody calls us during that time period. Bipolar is treatable, medications and counseling help a great deal, but theres still things about bipolar disorder that I dont think Ill ever figure out.". At home, when her husband’s moods are out of control, Mary acknowledges, “I try to avoid him.”. Feelings of stress, isolation, and rejection are common among those involved with a bipolar patient. It is a hard adjustment being married to someone who changes so quickly and often. Learn about your spouse’s triggers, the things that can or usually do set off an episode. But she prefers to see the man she fell in love with, even when his moods are unpredictable. Bipolar depression is one of the most difficult diseases with which to cope. If he refuses to take his meds (as he often does when he is manic), she leaves, even if only to spend the night at a friend’s house to make her point. One 45-year-old man endured the false accusations and emotional outbursts of his wife. It’s a fight. Despite the mood swings, your spouse can tell you what he needs. © Copyright 2021 Meredith Corporation. The stigma of mental illness can make couples hesitant to look elsewhere for help, but Karp emphasizes that extended family members and trusted friends can all provide invaluable support. Like diabetics who take insulin or recovering alcoholics who avoid drinking, if you have bipolar disorder, its important to make healthy choices for yourself. Here are techniques for coping with bipolar spouses. "Maybe they meet the person when the person is hypomanic, not realizing that mood can change," she says. Next Page: Building a team for support [ pagebreak ]Building a team for support Many people enter into relationships with a bipolar person unwittingly, thinking it will be smooth sailing, says Adele Viguera, MD, a psychiatrist at the Cleveland Clinic who works with bipolar couples seeking to start a family. Recall your love. The symptoms of anxiety can be hard to detect. Coping with bipolar disorder and the mood swings it brings can be difficult. It is extremely difficult to cope with a spouse who has this disease. And, nonstop worry about your grown child. A 36-year-old woman grieved when her husband would withdraw emotionally. You know that you have got your share of equitable distribution that way.”2. Mood swings, confusion and illness are all a part of the disease. Be angry at the disease, the illness and not the person who is afflicted. If you’re married to someone living with bipolar disorder, you already know it’s a rough ride sometimes. Support from understanding family and friends is also invaluable. For the people around someone who has this disorder, emotional shifts like those that are common with BP may seem very unexpected. There may be days and weeks when it is not easy, but communication is essential. Divorce and separation are common in relationships involving bipolar disorder, but according to Dr. Viguera, such relationships don't have to be destructive and separation is hardly inevitable. U.S. Drug Overdose Deaths Hit Record During COVID-19 Pandemic, Tippi Coronavirus: Tips for Living With COVID-19. “Communication during and between mood swings is critical to managing the accompanying stressors,” says Todd. All products and services featured are selected by our editors. All I can do is Cope with it. But it will rarely be easy, especially if the object of your affection doesn't comply fully with treatment. | It’s a high point in a bipolar marriage. Next Page: Bipolar marriages can work [ pagebreak ]Bipolar marriages can workFred and Kristin Finn, of Grand Rapids, Mich., describe their marriage as loving and supportive, despite that fact that Kristin was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a teenager. That usually gets him back on track. "She would cycle between extreme happiness and depression," he says, recalling her paranoia, impulsiveness, and self-destructive insecurity. “You know, I married a man for better or for worse. “Have an honest discussion about what is helpful to your spouse when he is in an undesirable mood. Clean out expired products and clutter to make way for a healthier you. "People need support systems. Mary has never joined a support group — and says she probably could have benefited from one — but she does find support in her friends. New Orleans resident “Mary” has been married to her husband for 25 years. For starters, the ups and downs of bipolar disorder can disrupt the rhythms and routines of a household. It is an unfortunate illness. The pattern of highs and lows varies for each person: For some people, episodes of mania or depression can last for weeks or months, while for others, mood swings are shorter and more frequent. For every individual affected by bipolar disorder there's a partner, spouse, or loved one who is struggling with the same hardships as you. Sign up for our Mental Wellness Newsletter! After so many years of marriage and successfully raising a daughter together, she has developed a philosophical and compassionate view of her husband and her relationship. In a 2005 survey of people with bipolar partners published in Bipolar Disorders, more than half of the participants reported that their partners illness had reduced their socializing, required them to assume more household responsibilities, forced them to take time off of work, and caused financial strain. Arguments about not taking medications and other risky behaviors. For example, he says, he is worried about the long-term effects of medication on Kristin's health. Use the soothers to help maintain the mood that both of you are desiring,” advises marriage and family therapist Tracy Todd, PhD, based in Alexandria, Va. Should bipolar women stay on their medications? Get Money Now.In a settlement with someone who has bi-polar disorder, Rosenwald Smith recommends taking what you can now: “It is better to take money upfront than to get it over the years. Here's why a stage 4 breast cancer diagnosis can be so frightening. Mary believes in the commitment she made when she married her husband. This is a perfectly healthy stance to take, according to Karp. Yet you and your bipolar spouse can beat the dire statistics that predict the end of many of these marital unions. My Love-Hate Relationship With Electroconvulsive Therapy, 5 Secrets to Dating When You Have Bipolar Disorder, Olympian Turned Escort: Suzy Favor Hamilton on Her Bipolar Disorder, 6 Triggers That Can Cause a Bipolar Episode. The stigma of mental illness isn’t just connected with those who are ill, but also to those of us on this journey with them. “I try to make him laugh, to get him out of it,” she says. "No matter what youre doing, there will be symptoms," Fred says. Coping with Bipolar Spouse Mood Swings. By subscribing you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. All are affected and it is nobody's fault. Caring for someone with a disease can keep you focused on his needs, but you also need your own sources of support. Today, my plan for a happy marriage is to manage bipolar disorder separately from managing my marriage whenever possible. I don’t think so,” she explains. D ealing with a spouse with Bipolar I am married for 15 years to a man whom I always believed had issues. Learning how to cope with your loved one’s borderline personality disorder can help you create a stronger relationship while taking steps toward recovery. Build support. Managing bipolar disorder starts with proper treatment, including medication and therapy. Take Care of Yourself. Taking on the responsibility to care for an adult with a mental illness is … Nothing can keep us away from our Friday night, because its our time to connect.". Would I want someone to leave me? Mary says she knows the statistics showing higher rates of divorce and abuse in marriages that include one spouse with bipolar disorder. They can be amusing, high energy, exciting and fun to be with. Find out what stress, poor sleep, and the time of year have to do with... Track the Vax: What Needs to Be Done to Get COVID-19 Vaccines Into Arms Faster? Working with your own therapist may also be a good idea. There are hard times in marriage to a bipolar spouse, acknowledges Mary. Here are the ones you need to pay attention to, and how to know if you may have an anxiety disorder. It is not your fault, your spouse's or your children's fault. When a spouse is first diagnosed, the initial response from their partner is usually sympathy––until anger, frustration and even hate arise down the road, according to sociology professor and author David A. Karp, Ph.D. Karp remarks that “caring for someone who has a mental illness can be more draining than caring for someone with cancer.” 1. Is Your Doctor Gaslighting You? The material in this site is intended to be of general informational use and is not intended to constitute medical advice, probable diagnosis, or recommended treatments. Meanwhile, both you and your spouse need to understand that there is nothing sinful or shameful about seeking professional psychological and medical assistance in cases of genuine bipolar disorder. Living with a husband or wife who has bipolar disorder can be difficult. Offers may be subject to change without notice. You can have months that are perfectly fine and then all of a sudden it will come from nowhere,” she says. "I'm petrified," the actress said when she shared the news that her breast cancer came back. Abuse can take the form of Relatively few studies have been conducted on the effects of bipolar disorder on relationships, but the research is nearly unanimous that the disorder tends to cause both practical and emotional difficulties for couples. When things are tough, take a deep breath and step back. “[I've said before] that I would hate to be in his head — I can’t even imagine how he feels,” she says. He urges people with bipolar partners to remember what he calls the "four Cs": I can't Control it; I didnt Cause it; I can't Cure it. “The diagnosis made it easier, because you know the reason, but it doesn’t change anything. Outside support and education can help. Here are some tips for coping with a bipolar spouse: 1. Finding Support Ask for help. Depressive phases, during which the bipolar partner feels hopeless and sad, can drag a healthy partner down, too. Get away. Like many people with bipolar disorder, Tim's girlfriend also struggled with drug and alcohol addiction and got deep into debt—with his credit card. The secret to a happy and healthy marriage with a Bipolar spouse is simple: An accurate diagnosis, compliance with an effective treatment plan, and both partners getting educated on the disorder and how to … Here's What to Do, 9 Signs It's More Serious Than the Common Cold, How Your Period Changes During Your 20s, 30s, and 40s, 12 Anxiety Symptoms That Might Point to a Disorder, Shannen Doherty Reveals Stage 4 Breast Cancer Diagnosis—Here's What It Means, The Best (and Worst) Diets of 2020, According to Experts, 10 Moves for a Cardio Workout at Home—No Equipment Required, These 13 Women Prove Every Body Is a Bikini Body, 20 Things You Should Throw Away for Better Health, Manic Spending Puts Bipolar Patients at Risk for Financial Woes, infrequent sex when their spouses were depressed. Another study of bipolar caregivers found that 86% of the participants characterized the stress they experienced as a result of their partners illness as "major." Dealing with a bipolar spouse can be a very difficult thing, but can be no more difficult than dealing with a non-bipolar spouse, depending on you. But there is so much more you can do to help yourself on … Incorporate ideas, plans, and strategies so that there can be a minimization of harmful effects,” advises Todd. "It brings out very strong negative emotions and feelings of isolation in the partner, who struggles so hard to separate the illness from the patient.". Helping Your Husband Get Help Be aware that bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed. While she would never speak to a spouse without her patients consent, such open communication empowers both parties to make treatment decisions that lead to a healthier relationship. Tim eventually broke down emotionally himself, ended the affair, and tried to forget the experience. "We make sure that every Friday night we set aside time for each other,” she says. this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines. One of the keys to your survival as a caregiver is to see bipolar disorder as a disease of the brain, not just a mental illness. (GETTY IMAGES)If you're involved with someone with bipolar disorder, the romantic relationship may be exciting, exhausting, and stressful. Joining a support group for family members of bipolar patients can help. In their must-read book, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner, authors Julie A. Try these tips for coping with the inevitable mood swings. The changes are very fast and they come out of nowhere. It is a roller coaster. Kristin says carving time out for her own sleep is crucial, as is making time for each other. Their teenage daughter has also been diagnosed with the disorder. While she acknowledges bipolar disorder is difficult, she also notes, "The person I fell in love with is still there. BPD sufferers can sometimes be very attractive during mania. “It’s a disease — it’s not the person. If you spouse fully accepts the diagnosis and resolves to get treatment, you could begin working together and make the marriage stronger than ever. Look for triggers. Health.com may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Karp also recommends that anyone who cares for someone struggling with bipolar person find a support group in their area. Mary has made it clear to her husband that taking his medication is non-negotiable. Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme mood swings from mania to depression. Often there are specific environmental stressors or soothers — including relationship issues — that influence mood swings. Cut Through the Crap. The better path is to read about the disorder, attend family therapy, talk with other spouses of bipolar sufferers, perhaps join a support group. I want to talk openly about the realities of living with and trying to support someone who is mentally ill, and what I’ve learned about mental health and stigma over the years. By keeping the illness a secret, people place an additional burden on themselves." Having a spouse with bipolar can be challenging. So you try to remember that,” advises Mary. Despite the fact that her business trips often coincide with times when her husband stops taking his medications, she values her time away. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and you have to work at it to make it work. Enforce meds. Accepting that they had bipolar disorder, and seeing that taking medication consistently helped prevent mania and depression, and maintaining normal routines, was important for coping. Often highly intelligent and very creative, the success and spontaneity of a spouse with Bipolar Disorder may, at times, make things exciting. "Spread it around a little bit," he says. Health.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. In order to help your loved one, you’ll first you have to take care of yourself. The answer is different for everyone Read moreMore about bipolar disorder, "Mental illness is, on some levels, a contagious disease," says David Karp, PhD, a professor of sociology at Boston College who has studied interpersonal dynamics within bipolar couples. Stay in your living room and still spike your heart rate. If, on the other hand, your spouse refuses treatment, you must learn to protect yourself from abuse. The highs and … Ask. (GETTY IMAGES), How to Care for and Cope With a Bipolar Spouse. She describes her husband as a “rapid cycler” (“On a day to day basis you never know what it’s going to be,” she explains) and says there are many days and weeks when she is tired, frustrated, and wondering why she is still married. Ultimately, Mary’s experience has given her a unique depth of compassion, both for family members whose loved ones have bipolar disorder and for people who live with bipolar disorder. If you are married to someone who is in denial, you have quite a job ahead of … How to handle a physician who doubts or dismisses your symptoms. Although people more commonly tend to think of bipolar … Tim, 37, tried for three years to sustain a relationship with a woman eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The three-time Olympian talks about her depression misdiagnosis, hypersexuality, and current family life. The high-high's or low-low's that your spouse experiences do not have to be yours. Almost halfway through their marriage, he was hospitalized at age 42 and received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. All rights reserved. Know (or grow) your philosophy of marriage. But understanding what causes mood swings can be the first step in coping with the ups and downs of bipolar disorder. How to Care for and Cope With a Bipolar Spouse February 29, 2016 Feelings of stress, isolation, and rejection are common among those involved with a bipolar … Living well with bipolar disorder requires certain adjustments. I did not marry a disease." How to Cope With a Bipolar Spouse Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that is characterized by the periods of time, when person's good mood swings into depression. Many people with bipolar disorder have happy, successful marriages. You may not always like what you learn, he warns, but keeping surprises to a minimum makes your relationship easier to navigate. Breathe. “Every single Friday night he comes home from work, we turn on some music, we sit, and we talk. I live with a partner who has depression and bipolar disorder. Getting angry because a person has bipolar disorder wont help anything. Here are some tips for surviving and thriving in your relationship: Breathe. Credit: The mood swings can make your days together sometimes exhilarating and other times frustrating. Control Stress. Laugh. "Once I learned about how the symptoms manifest themselves, once I started reading that and becoming more familiar with that, it gave me a better understanding of how to cope with these things. Keep talking. Both parties have to participate in its success, however. I ensure I’m open and honest with my spouse … "Half of me moved on, but half of me will always love her," he says. For his part, Fred says he would encourage anyone involved with a bipolar patient to educate themselves as much as they can about the disorder. It’s a condition that arises from an imbalance between chemical neurotransmitters which function to control mood and euphoria within the brain. A Therapist Answers: How Does COVID-19 Affect People With Mental Illness? If … And while both his daughter and his wife comply with medication and therapy, neither is symptom-free. Some surprising factors can play a role in the severity of your bipolar symptoms. The diagnosis was not surprising due to a strong family history — but it helped to clarify the situation, says Mary, age 51. The participants also reported that their sex lives sagged when their partner was in a manic or a depressive phase; three-quarters of the women who were interviewed and 53% of the men complained of infrequent sex when their spouses were depressed. From easier cramps to a heavier flow, here's a guide on what to expect decade by decade. Spouses of BPD sufferers struggle to cope with their partner’s manic or hypomanic (hypomanic is still a form of mania but to a lesser degree) episodes.